I promise to love all my life
This woman, as my lawful wife!
Bob: Will you love her when you're fit,
And also when you're feeling sick?
John: Yes, I'll love her when we're fit,
And when we're hurt, and when we're sick,
And I will love her when we're rich
And I will love her in a ditch
And I will love through good and bad,
And I will love when glad or sad,
And I will have, and I will hold
Ten years from now a thousandfold,
Yes, I will love for my whole life
This lovely woman as my wife!
Bob: Will you love with all your heart?
Will you love till death you part?
John: Yes, I'll love with all my heart
From now until death do us part,
And I will love her when we're rich,
And when we're broke and in a ditch,
And when we're fit, and when we're sick,
(Oh, CAN'T we get this finished quick?)
And I will love through good and bad,
And I will love when glad or sad,
And I will have, and I will hold,
And if I might now be so bold,
I'll love her my entire life,
Yes, I WILL take her as my wife!
Bob: Then if you'll take her as your wife,
And if you'll love her all your life,
And if you'll have, and if you'll hold,
From now until the stars grow cold,
And if you'll love through good and bad,
And whether you're happy or sad,
And love in sickness, and in health,
And when you're poor, and when in wealth,
And if you'll love with all your heart,
From now until death do you part,
Yes, if you'll love her through and through,
Please answer with your words:
John: I DO!
SUSAN'S VOWS:
Bob: Do you, Susan, take John to be your lawfully wedded husband today?
Susan: Well, I took him as my husband earlier, so it’s too late to say nay
I dug my own deep grave; I sealed my deep dark fate
So you can plainly see, it really is too late!
I did it to myself you could debate
I’m stuck with him forever as my mate
Bob: Do you promise to have, do you promise to hold?
Susan: I promise to have, I promise to hold
And even more if I may be so bold!
But most especially when it gets cold,
And even when his cooking grows mold
Bob: Do you promise to love him in all of your special ways?
Susan: I promise to love him, hug him, and hold him in all my special ways
But only when I can get home within my SRT plus two days
Bob: Do you pledge to be faithful? Do you pledge to be true?
Susan: I pledge to be faithful, I pledge to be true
I pledge to be a whole lot of other stuff too!
I pledge to be sneaky, I pledge to be squandering
But not in the ways you might be pondering!
I promise to continue all my mischievous deeds
To satisfy all of my chuckling needs
Even if I instigate it at his expense
While at the time, to him it may not make sense
To sum up my explanation with this silly rhyme
It is so we can laugh together for our lifetime
Bob: Will you still love him, will you so choose
When all of his favorite sport teams lose
As long as the Detroit Lions wake up from their snooze
And the Tigers and Red Wings recover from their blues
Susan: Lions, Tigers, and Red Wings, OH MY!
I can only promise that I will try
Bob: Do you promise to still love him when the Tigers beat your Red Sox?
Susan: I promise to still love him when…wait. That will never happen!
Bob: Do you promise to include him during your Red Sox filling
When they again make it to the playoffs, God willing?
Susan: I promise to include him during my Red Sox filling
And they WILL again make it past the playoffs, God willing
As long as Pappelbon doesn’t pitch in the ninth inning
Bob: Do you promise to keep peanut butter, meatballs, and macaroons in his belly?
Susan: I promise to make good things for his belly
I promise to always take care of my Jelly.
Bob: Do you promise to always be there for him
When life seems good or life seems dim?
Susan: During those times when life gets low
I will always give him an appropriate ‘Rut Roh!’
Even those times when Scooby Doo is on
I will always be there for my John
Bob: Do you promise to love him forever as best you can?
Susan: I promise to love him forever, as best I can
Until death parts us, or he becomes a Yankees fan
Bob: Now that you are finished with your silly rhyme
I’ll dismiss everyone to have a good time
I now pronounce you peanut butter and jelly!
